If you’d ask me how I felt right now - I don’t know how to answer.

I guess I’m on this path of learning how to be comfortable saying, “Mmm I’m not okay” or “Mmm not so good” or “Mmm I’m trying to figure that out.” These past few days I’ve been learning about masks. Masks? Yeah, masks that people-well masks that I bear around my face, my mind, and my heart. I guess I could call it the, “I’m okay, how are you?” mask or the, “Everything is fine/good/alright” mask. Basically, the fake-ass let me cover up what I’m really going through mask. I guess I’m not ready to really tell people how I’m really doing or how I’m really feeling. I guess I’m still trying to find the courage to admit it with myself. That I’m not okay. 

Confused? Yeah - that’s word…yeah that’s the feeling. Lost? Hmm, sorta I guess. Lost in a sense that I’m trying to figure myself out causing me to become lost in my thoughts and priorities. Proud? Of the fact that I’m now taking ownership over my shit and sketching a line for myself. Disappointed? Of feeling like I’m letting others down with that line I’ve drawn for myself. Vulnerable? Fuck yeah - of putting myself out there and slowly peeling off the layers that bind me and hold me back..from well me. Blessed? Yeah - of course. To have people who got me and make me feel like I’m not alone in this process.

If you’d ask me what I need to do right now - I think I would know the answer.

Take care of the relationship I have with myself - before anything else.