Should be…
Finishing up part 1 of this visual arts project, but I decided to play some Adele and look through old posts and blogs.
Things have changed whether it be small or dramatic.
Love has spread to different areas of my life.
Doors have closed, while others have opened.
Time has worked wonders.
I’m not saying my life is perfect - more that this is a crazyass journey and it’ll keep going.
It’s almost 1 in the morning too.
Snapshots of my life in no particular order
One of those nights where I put the books asides and just sit in my room and go through photos on my laptop. Why’d I choose these? Idk really haha. Just wanted to pull some pictures out before they get lost again in my files.
Amazing how fast time flies.
How much things [relationships especially] change.
But - I’m glad it happened.
Just a little reminder of where I came from. Who came. Who left.
Regardless - I’m happy to have crossed paths in the end.
There’s hope - it doesn’t cost a thing to smile.
You hurt me.
Took me a while.
But I got over it.
You hurt a good friend.
And to hear it personally.
Wow.
Blessed with support.
Abused.
Through selfish deeds.
Get over yourself.
Appreciate what you have.
Don’t take it for granted.
Or should I say HAD.
2011 Reflection
+ Finding myself & getting back on my own feet - independence
+ Losing certain relationships, but gaining better ones
+ Steps closer to my dreams
+ Birth of baby Allen and his impact on my family’s lives
+ Road trips to La Puente and Rancho Cucamonga
+ Growth of my writing
+ The struggle
+ Reuniting with old friends
+ Figuring out what is worth it and what isn’t
+ Regrounding myself after my personal storm at the beginning of the year
+ Being able to look back at it all and smile - no regrets
God has truly blessed me through the progress and changes that I have experienced within the year of 2011. Thank you for everyone who has played a part in my life and for the impact that you have left me with. I cherish it all.
2012 will definitely be different - starting off the new year motivated and determined.
Let’s do it.
Looking through my YouTube account…
Videos dating back from 2006 to 2009.
From silly home made “movies” with friends, to clips of us dancing, to us singing, to past relationship year anniversary videos, to vlogs I use to make, to sleep talking videos, shout out videos, pep rally videos, wannabee music videos, and much more.
All I can say is damn - I really do miss it.
Kickin’ back at home on this nice Sunday afternoon looking through old journals. Here’s a collage I did back on January 14, 2007.
My goal is to get back in touch with doodling as well as continue writing.
Soothes my soul.
One of those nights…
Looking back at the past with an old friend. Exploring all the good shit and bad shit. Just blessed at the end of it. Been through hell and back - and now it’s time to move forward with life. Just sometimes its nice looking back to how things use to be and how amazing things and people have changed. Coming in and staying or leaving.
“I need people to keep it 100 with me all the time then we’ll be straight.”
I love seeing how strong we’ve all become through everything we been through. So many lessons learned and so many experiences to share.
“I won’t let you close enough to hurt me.”
Just got to learn that we have to accept the fact that there’s a reason why it’s not like that anymore.
It’s life and we’re growing along the way.
Fuckin’ made my heart shake.
I remember watching her and just listening. She was in tears and short of breath as she tried to speak. Her voice was shaky, but she said, “But why is it fair that…he’s able to fuck me over and still be rewarded in finding happiness in someone else, but here I am having to start from ground zero dealing with all this shit on my own…” She was fuckin’ broken and I could feel her heart shattering into pieces. But what she couldn’t see was that she wasn’t alone all along.
I guess it’s easy to be blinded when you’re in love…it’s easy to be blinded when your hurt, because sometimes its easier to close your eyes and not see the truth rather than to face it. Break-ups are never easy, but I guess at the same time it’s not worth hating each other about. People change, feelings change, but the past can’t be changed. Time doesn’t heal - people have to choose to make that decision to take control as to what they want to allow to affect them and how it affects them.
I know she still hurts from time to time. I know she’ll still need crutches before fully walking on her own. But I also know she’s stronger. I know that she’s finally on a track to finding true happiness. I know she’s healing through prospering in different spaces and not necessarily through using another man to move on. I know she’s learning a thing or two about patience and faith. And I know sooner or later, she’ll be fine. I can’t believe how much has changed and how much growth has taken place. Everything happens for a reason …and I know in time another guy will come along and hopefully provide her with what she deserves. But ’til then - I hope she knows…she can do better on her own.
You got to learn to love yourself girl. Stay strong. Stay hopeful. God’s got you.
So, I decided to save the pictures on my existing dropshots accounts just in case….
…they got deleted like the old ones.
Fuckin’ bittersweet.
Found myself tearing up.
I miss a lot of things.
A lot has changed.
I like 6 more account worth of pictures to save.
I wish I was able to literally save some aspects in these pictures.
This is going to be a trip.
Fuck.
