Investment

I really don’t know exactly how I feel right now. I guess the top three words I can come up with is pressured, guilt, emotional. Hella money was dropped this quarter for books, the most I probably ever spent on pieces of paper published by some person who worked real hard to get it published, but I’d probably only study for a week or two tops. Actually - I take that back…this is the most my parents spent on me for books alone because I don’t make enough money to support myself. Fuck, I barely make enough to support my gas tank for 2 weeks. It’s only day 2 of week 1 and I can admit to feeling burnt out of energy. I wake up early to come home tired. Tired and uninspired.  I usually bring this motivated, ready to ‘bring it’ energy…but lately I just couldn’t do it. I know my parents want me to succeed, want to provide me with everything I need for school - but they as well as I know …this is getting too damn expensive. This pressure to succeed, to achieve great heights, to get through these next 10 weeks of my life…is challenging me to the max. I’m reflecting more so on the investment in this….time, energy, money. Sometimes its hard for me to sleep because I feel restless. My body is tired, but my mind is awake - jumping from thought to thought. I’m struggling to keep it all under control.

In the end…the worth of this investment - is up to me.

But then I can’t help but to ask myself…am I really getting what I want out of all this?